The Importance of Belonging and Feeling Seen

Recently, a friend shared her frustration about finding friends who match her zest for life, intensity, and love of deep conversation. I understand completely. Over time, I’ve realized that I connect more easily with people of different ages rather than those in my own peer group.

Dr. Deborah Ruf once explained this to me as the difference between 'age peers' and 'intellectual peers'—and that they are often not the same. That insight was a huge relief to me, and it continues to be. I’ve learned to cast my net wide when seeking connection.

After all, if your child is in the 99th percentile, it’s statistically unlikely that they’ll easily find others who are, too. The odds may make it more challenging—but not impossible. For gifted children and adults, this can be exhausting, even painful, and deeply unfulfilling—walking away from conversations craving more depth, more umph, more back-and-forth, and a shared love for learning (a common gifted trait). They thrive on curiosity, ask endless questions, and seek intellectual engagement that truly lights them up. (I get it!!!!)

This yearning for more isn’t limited to intellectual giftedness—it also applies to children with exceptional talents in areas like sports. A gifted athlete, for example, may unintentionally outpace their peers, leaving others feeling frustrated with their own inability to keep up or learn new skills as quickly. This dynamic can feel confusing or isolating for the gifted child. They may sense that other kids don’t like them but struggle to understand why.

What all gifted people need most is belonging. They need to see themselves reflected in others—not only to validate their lived experiences but to find peace in knowing that, no, they are not weird, and nothing is wrong with them. They are simply different. When we embrace this perspective, acceptance follows. And with acceptance comes the safety needed for genuine connection—with both self and others—ultimately fostering deeper self-awareness.

Belonging can take many forms, but for most of the kids I work with, it’s about real-life connection. They want to walk into dance class and have friends. They want to join a chess club and find others who love it just as much as they do. They’re searching for their tribe. My philosophy? Keep trying—eventually, they’ll cross paths with the other 1%. It may take time, persistence, and a little luck, but it will happen. And if they need support along the way, I’m here to help.

Feeling seen means being acknowledged, validated, and understood for who you truly are. When we feel disconnected, lonely, left out, confused, or frustrated, being seen can be the gateway to connection and relief. On the other hand, when someone is not acknowledged, validated, or understood, the opposite often happens.

This is when I see kids’ behaviors get big—their bodies begin to communicate for them. They might be expressing:

• 'This isn’t working for me.'
  
  
• 'You’re not meeting my needs.'
  
  
• 'I feel invisible.'
  
  
• 'I don’t feel safe.'
  
  
• 'I can’t meet your expectations, and I don’t know how to tell you why.'
  
  

Understanding this deeper need for connection can change how we support and respond to them.

I hope this article has given you a deeper understanding of the importance of belonging and feeling seen. In a time when so many are experiencing disconnection and loneliness, I encourage you to seek out community and meaningful connections. 

Post Image Source: parenta.com